I think it’s fair to say that most people are a little more prepared for parenthood than I was.  

Even if your pregnancy was a happy accident, you still have seven or eight months to prepare for your change in circumstances. And when babies come along, they have no concept of what life was like before you were in it, so you’ve got a fairly blank canvas to work with. 

I don’t mean to suggest that it’s easy doing it the conventional way, but the thought of having a baby doesn’t scare me as much as the thought of being Ben’s step mum did.

I’d been with Ben’s dad, Rob, for a year when Rob’s ex-wife was diagnosed with cancer. Clare was told that, if she responded well to treatment, she could live for several years. If not, she may only have a matter of months – it was difficult to say. 

So we (and, no doubt, she) tried not to imagine the worst. What was the point in changing our plans when Ben could be a teenager before he needed to live with Rob? Wasn’t that being a bit fatalistic?

We remained positive. Ben was kept largely in the dark about his mother’s condition. At six, she considered him too young to understand - or to be burdened with bad news, I don’t know. But, from then on, I made more of an effort to join Rob and Ben for their weekend get-togethers.

It was a strange situation to be in. This little boy, who saw me as just some woman who hung around with his dad sometimes, was going to be my stepson.

 

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